Bride-to-be says her father-in-law to be has done nothing but complain and be sarcastic about everything. She's looking for a way to tactfully tell him to stop!
Dear Parsley,
My fiancé and I are planning our wedding and paying for the whole thing. We are having an informal garden wedding with a few nice touches like traditional dress. All that we asked of my future father-in-law was that he be a groomsman because my fiancé is very close to him. He agreed. Now that the date is only 6 weeks away, he has done nothing but complain and be sarcastic about everything! He thought we had not kept my future mother-in-law and him as informed as we should have, so we had to get together with them to go over every little detail.
When we told him how much his tuxedo would cost, he said that $120.00 was too expensive and that he didn't have time to drive the 30 minutes to pick it up. He is very comfortably retired so that we know these are not really issues. My fiancé is getting upset and has told him so. You see, we are not children at 41, and this is our second marriage. My question to you is how do we tactfully tell him to stop?
Sincerely, Connie
Dear Connie,
Exactly what is eating your father-in-law is hard to say, other than sometimes people just like to sabotage. Perhaps it awards them a sense of power. Perhaps deep down he doesn't believe people should have a second chance at happiness, and this again goes back to his own life and the kind of chances he feels he's had or not had. There is little you can do about these feelings. They are his own baggage and not that unusual for people to be feeling.
What is clear is that you and your fiancé are adults in mid-age and totally capable of experiencing a wonderful day with our without your father-in-law. It would be far nicer to have him there happy and in your corner. And that is what I'd tell him. If he is finding it all a bit irritating and overwhelming, offer him the chance to step down. Ask if he would prefer simply to be a guest and find another groomsman. I'd do it like this and the sooner, the better.
Sincerely, Parsley Adams, Wedding Sage
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