My brother and I haven't spoken for over a year, after a large family blowout. My parents and other brother feel that I should invite him. I feel this would add stress to my day.
Dear Parsley,
My brother and I haven't spoken for over a year, after a large family blowout. He has no inclination to want to patch things up and doesn't want me in his life. Frankly, I feel the same way. My parents and other brother feel that I should invite him and his wife to my wedding. I feel this would add stress to my day and make everyone involved uncomfortable. I would prefer not to invite them. Should I follow my parents' advice and invite him or not?
Kim
Dear Kim, This is a tricky situation, and as an outsider I am not privy to all the ins and outs of the disagreement between you and the brother in question. So, let me begin with this: I suspect that your mother and other brother are coming from the angle that blood is thicker than water and that weddings are important moments in the life of all families. It is a time for all to put aside petty differences and come together. There is much truth to this. And if it can be accomplished with only a small measure of discomfort, then I say let the healing process begin. Invite your brother and his wife and tell him you would like to put differences aside, relegate past blowups to the past, and start anew.
The other side of it is that it is your wedding day, and if making overtures to your brother is going to open a lot of old wounds and ugliness and enlist other family members in a take-sides altercation, then tell your mom and other brother that making nice with the brother in question is going to have to wait for a future date. Weddings are lovely but stressful, stressful precisely for reasons like the one you have described here. If you are honestly concerned that inviting your brother is going to be unpleasant for you and for him, then put your foot down and say no. You do not have to do it, and your mother and brother are going to have to honor your decision.
Much Luck, Parsley Adams
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