Friends or relatives? Male or female? Choosing your wedding party can be one of the most controversial decisions of your wedding preparations. Will you cave in to expectations, or follow your heart on this very personal decision?
Bypassing her three sisters, Dorothy-Ann had her brother as her "gentleman of honor," despite the strong objections of her mother and future mother-in-law.
"My brother was my favorite person and I chose him based on that. To me, that was more important than picking someone of the "correct" gender."
Even Dorothy-Ann's husband, Joe, was caught in the family power play when his mother insisted his brother, Scott, be named best man. In the end, despite objections, Joe chose his closest friend to be best man and named his brother as a groomsman instead.
For Kristen, family pressure was too much to overcome.
"I would have preferred that my sisters not be bridesmaids because I had other very close girlfriends that I wanted because they meant so much to me. But my family said it was best to have my sisters in the wedding, so that is what we did."
Practical considerations as well as emotional ones can also come into play.
Professional bridal consultant, Susan Davidson, of The Celebration Specialist, Inc., suggests choosing your attendants early in your engagement, so they can have time to save money for wedding expenses and assist with planning pre-wedding celebrations.
"The engagement period is supposed to be fun. Having a few, if not several, attendants with you to share in the joy of your special day is very exciting," Davidson offered.
While you want to give your attendants enough time to plan for your wedding, too much advance time may mean your relationship with your friends has changed.
Even before becoming engaged, shortly before graduation, Mary impulsively asked two college friends to someday be in her wedding party. Two years later when she became engaged, she wished she hadn't asked them so early.
"I wasn't close with one of my college friends anymore," Mary lamented, "but I felt obligated to include her in the bridal party. We had drifted apart over time and I had to leave out a friend I was now closer to to honor that prior commitment."
Occasionally, the solution to choosing your attendants may be as easy as asking only as many people as you need to fulfill wedding day duties.
"When Carol and I got married," said Jeff, "she decided to have only a maid of honor. She had too many friends and didn't want to have to choose who would or wouldn't be in the wedding party. Besides my best man, I asked a close friend, my future brother-in-law and his son to be my ushers. They seated the guests and unrolled the runner."
The best advice may be to remember it's virtually impossible to please all of the people, all of the time. Whether you go with a "majority rules" philosophy or stick to your nonconventional guns, surround yourself with the people you love and respect most and you can't go wrong.
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