Well, if you're getting married and planning a wedding, the answer for most brides (and grooms too) is a resounding yes. Committing to a life-changing event like marriage is well, stressful.
But this type of stress, explains New Jersey psychologist Patricia A. Farrell, Ph.D. is natural. "I think most brides and grooms harbor that one niggling fear that perhaps they are just not sure," says Farrell. "But this is where they have to help each other," she adds. According to Farrell in this instance, couples need to talk about the issues ahead and premarital counseling is one way to do it.
Farrell claims that couples also need to be honest with themselves about why they are getting married. "Are you getting married because it feels like it is time?" says Farrell. An answer in the positive will increase the stress a partner is feeling simply because it is not necessarily the best reason to be doing it. "The best reason to get married is because you have found a wonderful friend with whom you are in love and share many things in common," says Farrell. She adds, "And remember, if it is all about the big day, you are going to have problems. Once Christmas is over, the reality of being married is going to begin."
For couples who are getting married for all the right reasons and feel secure about doing it, however, there is often another stressor called family. "The vast majority of wedding stress is brought on by families," says Farrell. Besides having to contend with their various wishes and disputes, many families view their child's wedding as the event of the century - for them. "For the couple trying to plan around all of this, it is very much like trying to juggle while learning to ride a bike," says Farrell. She suggests that the bride and groom honestly evaluate how they are going to handle the many challenges that will be presented to them. She also suggests that a meeting that brings both families together to discuss the need for cooperation would also be in order. "The bride and groom may have to be quite firm with the fact that while they want everyone to enjoy this day, it is their wedding day and the beginning a new adult relationship for them as well as the beginning of new family relationships," says Farrell.
Managing the Beast
Here are some tips from experts Catherine Goulet, co-author of the FabJob.com Guide to Become a Wedding Planner, and Rachna D. Jain, professional coach and licensed psychologist to manage stress:
* Draw up a plan of action to get healthy and in shape early on in the engagement (too often brides wait until the last couple of months before the wedding and crash diet to fit into their dress). * Set aside meaningful time at least once a week with each other to just "date" and under no circumstances discuss the wedding. * Encourage honest discussion between the bride and groom about honeymoon expectations (women tend to visualize a romance-novel honeymoon and can be disappointed by reality). * Keep all wedding and honeymoon expectations reasonable. * Stay focused on how you want to feel on your wedding day and keep your actions consistent with your desired feelings. * Schedule downtime into your honeymoon or just after the wedding; you will need it to decompress. * When disagreements arise, practice tolerance and compassion.
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